Want to know the secrets to not selling your house? Just follow these 4 easy steps and you too will be unable to sell up and move on

1. Be greedy yet ‘tight’

  • Overprice your house based on what you paid for it 5 years ago, what your neighbour got for theirs, how much you need for your next house, what your brother in law thinks it’s worth, what that agent promises he can sell it for to secure the listing, or just to test the market (I might get lucky)
  • Don’t pay for a marketing campaign that will put your house in front of as many of your target buyers as possible
  • Try to argue over the commission levels so you get the worst and least motivated real estate agent you can find
  • Take your own pictures – that will save you a couple of 100 bucks in the short term
  • Go the ‘For sale by owner’ route. Really how difficult can it be?
  • Scrimp on the house preparation – don’t  pay to hire a storage unit, or fit new carpet, or paint a wall.
  • Do keep any tenants you have in the house to keep those payments coming in
  • Don’t pay for a building and pest inspection up front. What a waste of money at this stage
  • If your house is empty don’t go to the expense of furnishing it  so buyers can see the purpose of each room, if their furniture will fit or worse result possible: fall in love with your house.

2. Think you know best

  • Listen to your engineer mate in the pub re: all things real estate. Try not to act on any advice from your real estate agent
  • Research as many non-relevant or out of date studies as you can and quote them at will
  • Choose a real estate agent from the other side of town but who is good mates with your brother. Don’t bother comparing them with anyone else.
  • Keep your house sale a secret by not putting a price on it, turning down the for sale sign outside and best result of all keeping your address “on request”
  • Think because you live in your house that it’s perfect for anyone and that buyers can ‘take it or leave it’
  • Keep as many personal things in your home as possible. If possible have a nude painting over the bed and your teddy bear collection in the lounge. If you don’t have much on your fridge now is the time to put up photos and take away menus
  • After viewings don’t ask for feedback from your prospective buyers. It’s just their crazy opinion after all
  • Don’t research your market and what’s currently on sale. Try not to think about who the most likely buyer of your home will be.

3. Pull back on the effort

  • Don’t make necessary repairs – it will give the new owners something to do when they move in
  • Don’t de-clutter – buyers can see through your stuff
  • Don’t clean inside or out. What you see is what you get
  • Don’t change any room purpose or room layout – you know that buyers will change things when they move in
  • Try not to make your house too fabulous – you don’t want buyers having an emotional reaction and putting in an offer
  • Don’t bother to go out during viewings. That’s a waste of time and you might miss something good on TV
  • Don’t make a special effort for viewings – nothing as strenuous as cleaning the bathroom
  • If you do get an offer don’t negotiate over price or things such as throwing in your ride on mower
  • Keep away from any new fangled ways to sell your house such as using social media. That was never necessary in the past

4. Pick your scapegoat

  • Be ready to blame someone if your house sells – your real estate agent is an obvious choice but ‘the market’ is a good one too
  • Think up lots of reasons that are really just excuses and be ready to talk about them at length

And there it is. Easy really. Let me know how you get on and if you have any other ways of not selling your house I’d love to hear them

I’m Imogen Brown and I’m a home stager based in the Western Suburbs of Brisbane. If the above is not the strategy for you and you decide to sell your house instead then I’d be happy to advise you on the preparation. Contact me at http://www.homestagingbrisbane.com or on 0432 994 056